Tips for the “Parent of the….”

Your son or daughter comes to you with the great news – they’re engaged! You’re ecstatic, and then it occurs to you that you have a lot of work ahead of you for the next year or so! And in addition, the “rules” for wedding planning have changed so much, you don’t even know where to begin.

First, acknowledge your own emotions. No matter how much you love your son or daughter’s significant other, this can be a bittersweet time. Just like your child’s first steps, first day of school, driver’s license or graduation day, this is a milestone for both of you. It’s ok to be a little sad as well as happy – just try not to let that influence how you help the happy couple!

Make sure you have the money talk. This is never easy, but you need to make sure everyone is on the same page with the wedding budget. Is the newly-engaged couple expecting you to help pay for expenses? How much can you afford? If you have this talk early in the engagement, it will ease a lot of tension later. Be honest and be clear.

Have the “who’s planning this thing” talk. This can also be awkward, especially if you and the couple have a very different vision of what you want the wedding to be! If you’re paying for the wedding, how much influence does that give you?  If you’re expecting a big religious wedding, while they’re thinking of a destination beach wedding, you have some negotiating to do!

Just like we tell brides and grooms – pick your battles. Figure out what is important to you, and explain why it’s important. Everything else is negotiable!

Be agreeable. Meet your child’s significant other’s family, if you haven’t already. Follow your son or daughter’s lead on what to wear on the wedding day itself. Offer to help, offer your advice, but be prepared for it not to be taken!

And most importantly, enjoy the day. Again, just like we tell brides and grooms, try to take a step back and enjoy the wedding itself.